Fat chance!

George I-can’t-get-it-up-unless-she’s-carrying-a-tray-of-cocktails Clooney is finally surrendering his freedom to be as lonely as he pleases … and that sound you just heard is hell freezing over.

According to a little bird (who’s going to be a dead little bird once Clooney catches wind of this), the 48-year-old actor has fallen in love with his 23-year-old barmaid, Lucy Wolvert, and is contemplating the concept of shacking up with her.

“Lucy is totally smitten with George and he’s drawn to her in a passionate way,” a supposed insider relayed to The Globe.

“Passionate” is on account of the cocktails, dearie, which Lucy no doubt keeps a steady stock of. Keep ‘em liquored up, and they just may love ya!

“Besides being an amazing lover, Lucy says George is a true gentleman who really knows how to treat a lady,” the source rattled on.

Yes, mastering the art of nailing & bailing is Chivalry 101.

What a bunch of crapola … there is NO way this playboy can share his precious bachelor pad for more than five minutes. You can’t teach an old dog new tricks? Righty-o!

~Carolyn French~