24 Hours Of Torture, Tears and for some, Stripping!

For most of us St Valentine’s Day means receiving a slushy, cheap quality greetings card, a box of chocolates which although wrapped in beautiful bright red foil only leave the taste of rabbit droppings in ones mouth and a bunch of 12 ‘sale price’, last minute thought, gas station roses.

But for Hollywood’s glamorous chosen few its all glitz, sparkle, champagne and…….stripping?

Yes, that’s how the one time Playboy model Pamela Anderson will spend her St Valentine’s Day. Isn’t that how sleazy modeling careers begin, not end?

The former ‘Baywatch’ actress will perform four times at Paris’ Le Crazy
Horse cabaret club on February 14th, following her last choice of vocation as an assistant to magician Hans Klok in his Las Vegas show last year. Oh the dizzy heights of celebrity, on the downward spiral!!

But with the club being frequented by many other stars poor little Pammy, now a mother of two, will feel less obscure, celebs such as Burlesque queen Dita Von Teese, Jay-Z and Beyoncé Knowles well may turn out to see this sight!
The only question now to be answered is, whether or not Anderson will appear fully nude in the finale.

Oh go for it Pam, its not the first time you’ve taken your kit off in public!

Then there’s Keira Knightley. The alabaster faced actress of Atonement who’s boyfriend Rupert Friend has decided to take his very own Ice Queen for a trip to, Iceland. Although Keira has already stated that she isn’t thinking of marrying any time soon and has refused to wear an antique ring that Rupert presented her with, he still believes he has a chance of melting her icy heart with a St Valentine’s Day trip to……Iceland.

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The ever excitable and ‘sofa jumping’ Tom Cruise gushed as he spoke of his ‘plans’ for St Valentine’s Day. With that schoolboy beam and teenage look of love plastered all over his face Tom said: “I have plans, and it will definitely be romantic. I’m going to keep the details to myself but it’s going to be fun though! I will never be down with love. Ever. I’m the guy who loves relationships. I love women. I’m very much a romantic and an optimist.”

So, as Tom and Katie Holmes toddle off into the distance on his ‘planned’ St Valentine’s Day excursion we can all breathe a sigh of relief knowing that our little ‘Top Gun’ Scientologist will, ‘never be down with love’. How reassuring!

But not all is lovey dovey in the world of Hollywood on St Valentine’s Day. Poor little Britney Spears has been dropped as the host of a lavish Beverly Hills St. Valentine’s Day gift party because organizers fear she’s too ill to attend. Danish businessman Claus Hjelmbak asked the singer to host the swanky party at the lavish Scandinavian Style Mansion last month, January 2008, but now he has rescinded the invitation, stating, “I personally feel that the most important thing for her now is to focus on her health and get the help she needs and deserves‘. Hasn’t he heard that Britney is now too busy teaching dance classes to bother with his drunken celeb bash. That would be of no interest to Britney anymore!

But there will doubtless be tears too in Hollywood this St Valentine’s Day as everyone’s favourite Friends star, Jennifer Aniston has to live through that most romantic of days knowing that the lost love of her life, Brad Pitt is celebrating the fact that he and marriage breaking Angelina Jolie are expecting twins later this year. Keep focused on her impending stretch marks,varicose veins, piles and cellulite Jen and you’ll feel much better.

Jolie after Birth!

Kirsten Dunst will be another celebrity sobbing into her Kleenex this Thursday as she opens the pages of just about any tabloid or celeb magazine to see the unshaven face of her ex, Jake Gyllenhaal all snuggled up with his new squeeze, Reese Witherspoon. But after a three year break up it really is time to move on now, Kirsten.

But amid all the doom, gloom, stripping, firing and sobbing we can always rely on our ‘in it for the long haul’ celebrities to enjoy that most harrowing 24 hour period known as St Valentine’s Day and to show us that maybe, just maybe some Hollywood relationships can survive the cheating, the drugs, the intense media scrutiny and have a romance that has a longer shelf life than a packet of Swiss cheese.

Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell, Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward, Ozzie Osbourne and Sharon Osbourne, John Travolta and Kelly Preston and David Duchovny and Téa Leoni to name but……….5 couples!

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So if yours is the only desk in the office missing a bunch of drooping roses, a row of sleazy cards and a box of cheap chocolates, take solace in the fact that its only 24 hours and then the stripping will end, the ‘planned’ excursions will be over everything will return to normal!

ABB