Ever the classy tart, our beloved false idol Miss Paris Hilton was recently spotted boozing it up at club LAX in exchange for a paycheck. Perhaps this ties in with the realization that only $2.5 million of the Hilton fortune has her name on it; hey, the girl’s gotta make money somehow!

After hitting the dance floor with a few dozen cocktails under her belt, a plastered Paris pulled a Lily Allen and began jabbering at the crowd. According to her, LAX is “the best f***ing place to go” and that all the DJs “are rocking their f***ing b*lls off.” Once the audience started cheering with encouragement, she announced she was ready to “f*** it, lick and beat it.” If you can make sense of that, you get a gold star.

I’m too sexy for my Fila

Last we heard Paris was sniffing around Britney Spears’ ex, Kevin Federline. In a bizarre twist, the heiress was caught listening to Brit’s Greatest Hits CD while on a shoot for Fila sportswear: “She was singing along to all of Britney’s songs like ‘Toxic’ and ‘Oops I did It Again,’” a bystander told The Daily Mail. “She knew all the words. She even shouted out ‘I love Britney’ at one point to the photographer. She looked like she was enjoying herself.”

Prepare yourselves for an out-of-body experience peeps – Paris may be awarded ‘Woman of the Year’ next month! According to The Boston Globe, Harvard University’s ‘Hasty Pudding Club’ feels that Hilton fits the bill…what the hell are the requirements??

As she will be in the area to promote her new flick The Hottie and the Nottie, Paris will make a stop at Harvard to join former winners Sarah Jessica Parker, Scarlett Johansson and Halle Berry. It’s amazing that Hilton is even allowed in the same category as these women.

Well if she doesn’t receive the award and partying for pay falls through, she can always borrow that super sexy pizza delivery ensemble from her ex boy-toy. I’m sure Dominos would welcome her with open arms.

~Carolyn French~