As we read paparazzi trash about celebrities and their spoilt, selfish life styles and the traumas they appear to inflict on themselves, and others in their wake, would we be right to first consider exactly which tree they fell from? Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Amy Winehouse, Michael Jackson, the list is endless. But unfortunately unsuitable, money grabbing parents aren’t!

Maybe its time to take a sympathetic look at why our poor, lost, mistreated, celebrities are so misguided, uncontrollable and delinquent in their own lives and in turn, the lives of their own children.

Michael Jackson was raised by this man. Surely Tarzan must have lead a more charmed life having been raised by apes, than the life Jackson received at the hands of this fiend. Could this be the source of Michael’s problems? Could dangling his own infant son over a balcony railing, for reasons nobody can fathom, and cuddling up to young boys in the dead of night, be a result of his father’s own poor parenting?

With parents like these, I’d drink!

Britney Spears’ mother, Lynn, realizing a latent talent in her daughter, milked it to the max, dragging her daughter from the sleepy suburbs of Louisiana to the rat race of New York City, and all at Christmas time, in an effort to nurture her own ‘goose‘ and the resulting golden eggs. The lack of parenting skills on the part of her own mother is probably the reason why the former Mouseketeer lives the life of a cartoon character when raising her own sons.

Then there’s Mrs Dina Lohan. Now there’s a mother who should be in ‘maternal instinct re-hab’. She has not only destroyed the life of her own daughter but she now seeks to infiltrate every home in the country with her own reality show telling us exactly how she destroyed Lindsay’s life and passing on the nuggets of advice. What do they say about recovery? First you have to admit to your failures. She should stand up in a room filled with all the other failed Hollywood mothers and confess ‘I’m Dina, I’m a failed, greedy, money grabbing mother.’

With all that said, and hindsight being the tool of 20/20 vision, let’s take a good long look at the parenting skills of today’s celebrities.

Imagine the confusing memories and scars the children of Johnny Depp will carry with them from their childhood years with the memories of a father who spends most of his time dressed either as a pirate, a chocoholic or a raving murdering barber, and all with English accents.

Pamela Anderson must be one of the worst examples of a celebrity parenting. Sporting tattoos in obvious and, in not so obvious areas, sharing needles with mates, and finally carrying the hepatitis B virus. There have been kids from ordinary families taken into care for lesser problems.

And…..what on earth is Tom Cruise thinking? He spreads the joy of being a Scientologist to just about everyone he happens to rub shoulders with. He’s like one of those dreaded religious nuts who knock the front door on a Sunday morning to spout religion and try to convince the listener that they are ‘the way’. He has seemingly taken complete control of Katie Holmes, answering questions on her behalf and reportedly denying Katie’s parents access to their grand-daughter Suri for two and half weeks after the child was born. Even then the introduction was conducted at the premier of ‘MI3’ on May 4th, the baby having been born on April 17th.

Doubtless he will soon be totally indoctrinating the child with his weird religious beliefs. Don’t we normally call this a ‘cult’ and send the FBI into rescue the oppressed, as with cult leader David Quresh in Wako in the 1990‘s?

A cult will not let you contact family or old friends. There’s the litmus paper, Mr Cruise!

Then there are the parents who already have $$$$$ but believe they have spawned America’s answer to Princess Diana and want to parade even the most provocative photos of their sprog in public. Paris Hilton’s parents should, after all, know better and be able to source their daughter some worthwhile employment in a hotel somewhere in the universe! Ever heard of nepotism?

Eventually there’s the poster child for bad parenting, Britney Spears herself. Not only did she marry a complete loser with whom she chose to procreate, but she then decided to abandon her children at every juncture to hit the Hollywood partying scene.

Her irresponsible lifestyle has been documented by just about every camera brandishing paparazzi predator and eventually her children will be aware of the standards their mother has set for them. French-kissing Madonna, being photographed with no underwear, drinking to the point of oblivion, getting tattoos and driving with one of the boys wriggling on her lap while scurrying away from a Starbucks. As a responsible parent she should understand that although child seats are installed in the car, they’re no use until the child is placed securely in them!

Britney was let down by her parents and now she is passing that gift down to her own children.

It’s the apple and the tree!