Although you wouldn’t expect the shallowest-man-alive to diss sexual icons Angelina Jolie and George Clooney, he went ahead anyway. According to MSN.com, Mr. Donald Trump visited Larry King’s set recently to promote his new book Think Big and Kick Ass in Business and Life, and to remind us why we all hate him.

“Angelina Jolie is sort of amazing because everyone thinks she’s like this great beauty,” he said condescendingly. “And I’m not saying she’s an unattractive woman, but she’s not [a] beauty, by any stretch of the imagination.”

Right. This coming from the guy who flaunts the most ambiguous hairdo known to man. In the words of Jim Carrey’s character in Liar Liar - “Your hairpiece looks like something that was killed crossing the highway. I don’t know whether to comb it or scrape it off with a shovel and bury it in lime!”

Since Trump is the “possessor” of two beauty pageants, he seems to believe this speaks of his authority on matters of looks.

“I really understand beauty. And I will tell you, she’s not – I do own Miss Universe. I do own Miss USA. I mean, I own a lot of different things. I do understand beauty, and she’s not.”

Doesn’t he remind you of the popular (yet secretly insecure) girls of junior high who would shoot others down in order to build themselves up?

“And I remember at the Academy Awards a few years ago she was Frenching her brother. She was giving her brother lip kisses like I never saw before in my life,” he rambled on. “And she had just said she made love to Billy Bob Thornton in the back of the limousine on the way over. And I wouldn’t want to shake her hand, by the way. And now she’s representing the United Nations and world peace. I don’t get it.”

True Jolie has a wild and reckless past, but news flash: people change! There’s no need to resurrect these memories for the sake of trash-talking.

Before he goes on to slam George Clooney, he finishes up with Angie by putting a positive spin on her image. “Oh, by the way, she’s done an amazing transformation. I give her credit. If you would have had the things and done the things that she did, and to be this representative of women and the world, is incredible. So I give her credit. She’s done one of the great transformations I’ve ever seen.”

Wow, articulate much? This guy needs to go back to school.

As for Sarah Larson’s beau, Trump had these kind words to spew – “The perception of George Clooney is he’s a big, strong handsome guy. And he was very little when I met him. It’s OK. Nothing wrong with it. He’s doing just fine.”

WTF? Like the actor needs an excuse? And for the record, Clooney is only about three inches shorter than Trump (who stands at 6-foot-2.)

What a loser! I say we should administer a book-burning party, who’s with me?

~Carolyn French~